By now most of us have tried the whole “What’s your porn name?” phenomenon. It works great, unless your name turns out to be Fluffy 42nd Street, or Cujo Martin Luther King, Jr. Boulevard.
If you look around, however, you’ll find that some people simply don’t need to concoct an adult film star sobriquet – their parents set them up for stardom from birth. The best place to find a concentration of ready-made porn names is on any college football roster, so throughout the remainder of the season, we’ll compile Porn Name Allstar teams for each BCS conference.
This week, it’s the Atlantic Coast Conference:
Offense
Rob Swanke – QB – Boston College
Daniel Polk – QB – NC State
Chris Crane – QB – Boston CollegeCain Ringstaff – RB – Virginia
Dusty Pickle – RB – Virginia Tech
C.J. Spiller – RB – Clemson
Mike Cox – FB – Georgia TechMichael Blackwood – WR – Boston College
Ryan Wood – WR – Duke
Kevin Challenger – WR – Boston College
De’Cody Fagg – WR – Florida State
Rock Wells – TE – North Carolina
Ed Wang – TE – Virginia TechRyan Poles – OL – Boston College
Scott Gunn – OL – North Carolina
Antonio North – OL – Virginia Tech
Cannon Gaskin – OL – Wake Forest
Alex Pou – OL – MiamiDefense
Brandon Cannon – DE – Clemson
Darrell Burston – DE – Florida State
*Omarr Savage – DE – Maryland
Chris Long – DE – Virginia
Vegas Franklin – DT – Miami
Jock McKissick – DT – Clemson
Casey Camero – DT – DukeSteven Powers – LB – Georgia Tech
Moses Fokou – LB – Maryland
A. Rouse – LB – Virginia TechMatt Rising – DB – Duke
Cooter Arnold – DB – North Carolina
Mister Alexander – DB – Florida State
Korey Mangum – DB – Florida State
*J.J. Justice – DB – Maryland
Ryan Best – DB – VirginiaSpecial Teams
Sam Swank – P – Wake Forest
Randy DeSmyter – K – Duke
De’Cody Fagg – KR – Florida State
Jack Geiser – LS – Boston CollegeNames with a * would also be excellent Pro Wrestling names
Some ex-jocks have a hard time adjusting to life after football. With names like these, the fortunate few should be ready, willing, and able to find their post-collegiate careers.
I kinda like ‘Dusty Pickle’.
I’m assuming that would be for any aging/falling porn star.
I’ve made up a few names but I’m not quite sure what I can get away with here… 8)
~m
[…] Previous editions: ACC Edition […]
Awesome Post!
Third Rake webcomic
Apropos of nothing, NC State had a guy in the mid-1990s named Morocco Brown. We always said it ultra-smoove porno style.
I’m actually looking forward to doing my Porn Star All-Americans. I had to re-use names like Johnson and Cox so often, I would really like to find only the best of the best.
As a student at North Carolina, I now find it my responsibility to find these wonderfully-named people and laugh at them personally.
I live in Virginia, so I’m hoping I don’t run into Cain Ringstaff at the Food Lion.
Then again, I’d bet money some of these guys are digging the porn name thing.
The Boston College Football program has been on the right track for the last couple years with dramatic improvements in all aspects of the game. The Eagles capped the 2006 season with a monumental win over Navy 25-24. Not a bad start to the off-season.Recently, six Boston College football players were elected to hard earned spots on the 37-member 2006 All-Atlantic Cost Conference Academic Football Team.
The list includes offensive guard Josh Beekman, who was selected as first-team All-America by the Associated Press, and All-ACC offensive tackle James Marten. The Place-kicker Steve Aponavicius a walk on, makes the team one week after he was granted a full scholarship by Head Coach Jeff Jagodzinski. Eagle cornerback Larry Anam, offensive guard Ty Hall and defensive end Nick Larkin also made the teams image sparkle after they were chosen.
On February 19th, the team completed it’s coaching staff by adding wide receiver coach Ryan Day. He is no stranger to this Boston College Football Program. Day served as the offensive graduate assistant coach at Boston College during the 2003 and 2004 seasons, before moving to the Temple Program. Obviously, this is a good call to hire a coach like Ryan Day.
For Boston College, a lot of work needs to be done but you can bet all your money they will have an impact in next year’s BCS. The constant improvements and the amount of respect that flows through this Boston College Football Program is a key point that will drive their success to levels never reached before.
Don’t you agree?
Yes, but I see very little porn name potential in the players you listed.