Robin Williams has a new movie out. In it, he plays a comedian and late night talk-show host who runs for political office. We don’t have an official movie reviewer here at The Extrapolater, so instead of paying $15 for a tankard of cola, we’re going to do what we do best – extrapolate from what little we do know. Since the movie is about a comedian running for President, we decided to cull perfect political slogans from the thousands of hours of jokes told by real comedians. Don’t say we never did anything for you.
Dane Cook: Bring on the piss!
Dane Cook for President: I’ll Stay Around for 5-6 years and we can end this thing violently.
Dane Cook: The sound that makes you punch infants!
Bill Hicks for President: All Governments are lying Cocksuckers.
Watch this, shut up, go back to bed, America!
Bill Hicks: Going for the righteous indignation dollar.
Seinfeld/David: It’s a show about… nothing.
Seinfeld for President: What is the deal with Osama?
Seinfeld: Thin, neat, and single. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Well, in Massachusetts, at least. And Canada. Oh, and New Jersey!
Ron White: I’m sweating Scotch out of every pore.
Ron White on the issues: Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty. Mine’s putting it in the express lane.
Party Affiliation: I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Hedberg/Bigfoot: Run. He’s Fuzzy. Get Outta Here.
Mitch Hedberg for President: That’s right, I do suck, but I’ve got a lot of free time.
Hedberg for America: Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
It’s an idea whose time has come. The fact that a couple of these guys are dead may be a huge improvement on what we’ve got going.
All comedian quotes courtesy of Wikiquote.