A man recently robbed a Dunkin’ Donuts store in Rhode Island using only a screwdriver as a weapon. The entire crime was captured on video tape, and the suspect was arrested shortly after making his escape.
More disturbing is the rash of “copycats” who have begun to use simple household tools in successful robberies across the United States. As a public service, The Extrapolater is providing dossiers on all of the tool-wielding bandits who are still at large.
(File Photo) Bob the Builder surrendering to authorities after a failed 1995 bank robbery
Bob “The Builder” Scarpacci began as a relatively low-level member of the PBS crime syndicate. Unsatisfied with his prospects in fraudulent union contract labor, he made a daring freelance move in the mid-90s, using heavy construction vehicles to scoop ATM machines out of their vestibules and driving them away in a dump truck. He was captured, but avoided conviction with a controversial insanity defense following his own testimony that the heavy equipment moved independently and often conversed with him, in effect convincing him to commit the crime. Following his release from the mental health facility, he returned to his criminal career and is still at large.
Ty Pennington found the criminal life to be “glamorous”, often posing for stylized self-portraits
As the face of ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Ty Pennington quickly developed a reputation as the hunky host with a heart of gold. Authorities, however, began an investigation after discovering that Pennington was green-mailing corporate sponsors, promising them better product placement for their donated items if they would “hook him up” personally. Authorities tried to arrest him on the site of an EM: HE remodel, but he held them at bay for hours, barricading himself in the house and shouting obscenities through a bullhorn before escaping through a tunnel in his “secret room”.
Authorities are at a loss to explain why victims fall for such a blatant scam
Daniel Lawrence Whitney is better known as “Larry the Cable Guy”. He is wanted for impersonating a Health Inspector, and for defrauding the mentally handicapped through sales of his “Git R Done” clothing and accessories. Agents of the Department of Commerce maintain that despite the obvious willingness of the general public to purchase these items, as well as tickets to Mr. Whitney’s concerts, a crime has still been committed, noting that Mr. Whitney attended private school and once wore a perm.
We recommend that you call your local police if you spot one of these criminals in your community. However, should you happen to apprehend a suspect, the FBI’s “DIY Crime Unit” recommends that you tie him up with rope, taking care to measure twice and cut only once.