Rumors are swirling about the mysterious dark matter that befouled the pitching hand of Detroit’s Game 2 starter Kenny Rogers. The Extrapolater was able to obtain a sample from the cloth Rogers used to wipe the stain from his hand, and convened a panel of experts to determine the composition of the tell-tale smudge.
55% “Just For Men” hair dye.
Rogers is 42 years old. Even an All-Star pitcher going for a championship needs a little help with the ladies. Someone ought to tell him the beard stubble is giving his secret away, however.
18% Used Motor Oil
Like most multi-millioinaire professional athletes, Rogers owns a fleet of high-performance automobiles. Unlike most multi-millionaire professional athletes, he is doing his part to reduce our dependence on foreign crude by recycling used engine oil. Put that in your hookah and suck on it, eco-weenies!
No, seriously. Rogers is crazy for this stuff. And if a bottle of Australian yeast extract helps to propel the Tigers to their first title since 1984, look out for the new coney dog with Vegemite.
7% Fudge from Pudge
Detroit catcher Ivan Rodriguez received a box of homemade fudge from a fan after the Tigers clinched the AL pennant. Generous to a fault, he shared the delectable treat with his teammates in the locker room, including the Game 2 starter.
For the sake of good sportsmanship, let’s not be so quick to judge the smudge next time.
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