Conservative radio commentator Rush Limbaugh has paid the price for comments he made about political ads starring Parkinson’s disease sufferer Michael J. Fox:
Now, this is Michael J. Fox. He’s got Parkinson’s disease. And in this commercial, he is exaggerating the effects of the disease. He is moving all around and shaking. And it’s purely an act. This is the only time I have ever seen Michael J. Fox portray any of the symptoms of the disease he has. I know he’s got it and he’s raising money for it, but when I’ve seen him in public, I’ve never seen him betray any of the symptoms. But this commercial, he — he’s just all over the place. He can barely control himself. He can control himself enough to stay in the frame of the picture, and he can control himself enough to keep his eyes right on the lens, the teleprompter. But his head and shoulders are moving all over the place, and he is acting like his disease is deteriorating because Jim Talent opposes research that would help him, Michael J. Fox, get cured.
Witnesses say that the first signs of trouble came after Limbaugh sank a crucial putt at an exclusive D.C. golf course. The conservative talk-show host had just lit a celebratory cigar when he was surrounded by an angry mob, which began a rousing chant of “Ali, boumaye!”
At the head of the crowd was retired boxing champion Muhammad Ali, who has been suffering from Parkinson’s symptoms since the mid-1980s. Ali walks slowly, has difficulty speaking, and his face betrays little emotion as a result of the disease. Bystanders report that despite these and other symptoms, Ali shuffled deliberately up to Limbaugh, muttered something under his breath, and knocked him into the nearest sand trap with one punch. The assembled crowd cheered wildly before convening to a nearby bar to celebrate.
An Extrapolater reporter caught up with the group, finding the watering hole packed with Ali’s supporters. Former Attorney General Janet Reno was in attendance, and spoke about the incident.
Looks like the champ’s still got it, eh? If you look around yourself, this room is full of people who suffer from neurological ailments, including myself. We might not be able to float like butterflies any more, but we can still sting like bees when we need to! We got this little group together to let ol’ Rush know that he hurt a few people’s feelings. I mean, to accuse someone of faking an illness? None of us ever accused him of pretending to need pain pills, or denied his struggle with erectile disfunction. He should have thought before he spoke.
The gathering was non-partisan, attracting conservatives like Parkinson’s sufferer Billy Graham, and Nancy Reagan, the former first lady who has pleaded for more stem-cell research to help those who suffer from Alzheimer’s disease, as did her late husband.
“We certainly don’t advocate violence” said Multiple Sclerosis spokeswoman Terri Garr. “We really just came to talk to Rush about his stance. Maybe Muhammad’s meds need adjusting? I’m sure he’d never ‘exaggerate his illness’ to the point that he lost control of his fists…”
The assembled crowd laughed, and ordered another round.
Editor’s note: While we always mix fact and fiction in an effort to entertain, the Extrapolater is serious about helping Americans who are afflicted with neurological diseases. The organizations listed below are funding the necessary research to help us understand these disorders, which will hopefully one day allow us to live without them.