New horror movies are typically released around this time of year, in order to take advantage of the Halloween spirit. Network television also programs slasher film marathons. While the classics are certainy frightening, The Extrapolater would like to present our ten most underrated scenes of motion-picture horror.
Pee Wee’s Big Adventure: Large Marge – The female trucker who picks up Pee Wee tells a classic “on a night just like this one” type of story, then turns to him and morphs into the apparition seen above. It was so unexpected I jumped out of my seat! Love it.
Kingpin: It’s the motion of the ocean – Woody Harrelson’s character has just finished having degrading rent-sex with his landlady. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, she says these immortal words: “What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? I guess it’s all that pumpin’. Pump n’ Dump. You really jarred something loose tiger.”
Sideways: Guzzling the spit bucket – For some odd reason, it’s considered dainty and appropriate to snuffle, swish, and spit at high-dollar wine tastings. And yet they look down their noses at a poor guy who just wants to swallow the stuff. I guess this is the one time it’s more enjoyable for everyone if you spit rather than swallow.
Anakin: From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought of you. And now that I’m with you again… I’m in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can’t breathe. I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating… hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me… what can I do?- I will do anything you ask.
and… scene! Try saying something like this to a woman some time. She’ll dump your ass for someone more like Han Solo. But at least you can still be best friends! Lucas still denies that he found the scripts for the second trilogy in the garbage can outside the soundstage for Young and the Restless, but I smell a rat.
Showgirls: Jessie Spano takes “I have a headache” one step too far – Like a lot of young idiots, I was excited to hear that a former teen idol from “Saved by the Bell” was going to appear nude in a movie about Las Vegas showgirls. But all I can remember from the film is the scene where Kyle McLachlan wants to sleep with her, and she gives him the old “Not now, it’s my period”. He seems dubious. So she invites him to check for himself. And he reaches in her pants as casually as a mechanic using the dipstick to check your engine oil. I’m not particularly squeamish, but ai-chi-mama! So not hot.
Wild at Heart: Crispin Glover’s roach house pleasures – It’s a little known fact that Crispin Glover wasn’t really trying to kick David Letterman in the head in the photo above. He was just still trying to get the cockroaches out of his underoos from the cameo in David Lynch’s “Wild at Heart”.
Much A-dude About Nothing: Keanu Reeves speaks in iambic pentameter – Sadly, the picture above is not from Keanu Reeves’ long-anticipated appearance in the sequel to “My Own Private Idaho”. Some damned idiot allowed him to befoul – however briefly – the words of the Bard. Oh, that idiot was Kenneth Branagh. Nuff ‘said.
Swingers: The most soul-rending answering machine message ever – The terror lies not in the fact that Favreau’s character says stupid things to a woman on her answering machine. It’s that he keeps… calling… back.