Former Presidential candidate John Kerry made a stupid joke about students getting “stuck in Iraq” if they don’t do well in school. The political gaffe came at a critical juncture, as the 2006 election nears, and may have cost Democrats some momentum.
The Extrapolater has assembled our usual team of experts to analyze the senator’s intent, and came up with the following scale, representing the decisions faced by students, based on not only their grades, but their socioeconomic status:
GPA: 4.0 = Harvard or Stanford? Jaguar or Ferrari? Senate or Wall Street?
GPA: 3.0 = Yale or Princeton? Jaguar or Ferrari? Senate or Wall Street?
GPA: 2.0 = Duke or Northwestern? Jaguar or Ferrari? Senate or Wall Street?
GPA under 2.0 = Star in a reality show or bum around Europe? Jag or Ferrari? Sleep or Party?
The Middle Class:
GPA: 4.0 = Virginia or Notre Dame? Navigator or BMW? Senate or Wall Street?
GPA: 3.0 = Colorado State or Texas A&M? Accord or Jetta? Middle Management or IT?
GPA: 2.0 = Community College or Missouri? Tempo or Hyundai? Retail or Food Service?
GPA under 2.0 = GED or Military? Hooptie or Humvee? Food Service or KP?
GPA: 4.0 = Iowa State or Virginia Tech? Hooptie or the Bus? Middle Management or IT?
GPA: 3.0 = Community College or Old Dominion? Bus or Bike? Cop or Night Manager?
GPA: 2.0 = GED or Military? Bus or Humvee? Assembly Line or Infantry?
GPA under 2.0 = Iraq or Afghanistan? Bradley or Ground Pounder? Hero or Victim?
We’ll just go ahead and apologize for this post up front, because in this case the conventional wisdom is true – there’s nothing funny about this subject.
*True story: the html tags on this picture said align=left.