Have you ever wished you could confound your fellow Americans by speaking like Borat? It’s easier to do than you think. We’ll show you how.
Here is one of the most well-known pieces of American oratory ever: The Gettysburg Address. It is a masterpiece of distillation, delivering concise and moving concepts in very few words.
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
Now, to Borat-ize the speech. First, I pasted the text into babel fish. Then, I translated it into Dutch. Then, from Dutch into French, French into German, and German back into English. This is what I got:
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, A new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated ton the per position that all men acres created equal.
Now incoming goods of acres engaged in A great civil was, testing more whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and like that dedicated, CAN long endure. Incoming goods of acres met on A great battle field OF that were. Incoming goods have come ton dedicate A portion of OF that field, as A finally resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fittings and per by that incoming goods should DO this.
But, in A of larger scythe, incoming goods CAN emergency dedicate — incoming goods CAN emergency consecrate — incoming goods CAN emergency hallow — this ground. The good men, living and DEAD, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power ton of ADDS or detract. The world wants little note, nor long more remember what incoming goods say here, but it CAN more never forget what they did here. It is for US the living, tons dedicated here ton the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far in such a way nobly advanced. It is for US ton here dedicated ton the great task remaining before US — that from thesis honored DEAD incoming goods take increased devotion ton that cause for which they gave the read full measure OF devotion — that incoming goods here highly resolve that thesis DEAD shall emergency have died in vain — this nation, that under God, shall have A new birth OF freedom — and that government OF the people, by the people, for the people, shall emergency perish from the earth.
And voila! The greatest piece of political oratory in U.S. history is now the greatest piece of political oratory in the history of Kazakhstan as well.
The Extrapolater 