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Archive for December 1st, 2006

The Extrapolater attended a Big 12 school in his formative years. Not to give it away, but at this school, inebriation was accomplished by three possible means: alcohol, the occasional controlled substance, and basketball season. Sometimes all three at the same time. And yet… as I recall there was a football team, and I seem to recall a Jabba-like presence on the sidelines. But then, my memory could be hazy. They still called it the Big 8 back then. My how we’ve grown!

The whole idea for the Porn Name All-Stars can be attributed to a discussion I had early in the season. Someone mentioned Colt McCoy for Heisman, and I retorted “Colt McCoy sounds like someone who’d win an Adult Film Award, not a Heisman”. So blame him.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present your 2006 Big 12 Porn Name All-Stars:

Offense

Colt McCoy – QB – Texas
Jeff Wood – QB – Texas A&M
James Cox – QB – Colorado

Andre Pierce – RB – Baylor
Ryan Kock – RB – Iowa State
Bruce Ringwood – RB – Kansas
Alex Spears – RB – Texas

L.A. Reed – WR – Texas Tech
Jermaine Hardison – WR – Oklahoma
Forrest Shock – WR – Missouri
Brik Brinker – WR – Texas Tech
Xavier Rambo – WR – Kansas
Derek Spears – TE – Kansas
Aaron Cummings – TE – Oklahoma
Derek Fine – TE – Kansas

Jordan Goos – OL – Iowa State
Buck Burnette – OL – Texas
Kyle Nail – OL – Texas A&M
Matt Boss – OL – Kansas State
Devin Head – OL – Colorado

Defense

Shawn Moorehead – DL – Iowa State
C.J. Ah You – DL – Oklahoma
Rimmon McNeese – DL – Kansas State
Tim Crowder – DL – Texas
Jameon Hardeman – DL – Baylor

Austin Shellnut – LB – Missouri
Rod Johnson – LB – Oklahoma State
Evan Fick – LB – Iowa State
Ian Handshy – LB – Kansas
Travis Eaton – LB – Baylor

Maurice Linguist – DB – Baylor
Reggie Rock – DB – Iowa State
Melvin Bullitt – DB – Texas A&M
Alton Widemon – DB – Baylor
Lance Fuller – DB – Texas Tech

Special Teams

Bruce Redden – P – Oklahoma State
Keith Toogood – K – Texas Tech
Nick Holz – WR/KR – Colorado
Sam Sledge – OL/LS – Baylor

Some ex-jocks have a hard time adjusting to life after football. With names like these, the fortunate few should be ready, willing, and able to find their post-collegiate careers.

Thanks to Semitough for handing over his own top-double-secret list of Big 12 Pornfellows. Unless I miss my guess, Semitough is one of them-there Aggies. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Previous editions:

The Pac-10

The Big Ten

The SEC

The ACC

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A Four-Year-Old Learns To Tell Knock-Knock Jokes

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