Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for December 7th, 2006

With all of the conference championships decided, and bowl bids locked in place, there is nothing left to do but issue the Extrapolater’s season-ending Porn Name All-American list. We started the lists late in the season, so we didn’t get to the Big East before it was too late. So this list includes the best names from that conference, as well as Notre Dame, and the three service academies.

Because really, what would a porn list be without the Scarlet (K)nights? Or their genre porn rivals, the Black (K)nights?

Ladies and Gentlemen, we present your 2006 Porn Name All-Americans:

Offense

jimbobcooter.jpg
Cooter

Quarterbacks:
John David Booty – USC
Jim Bob Cooter – Tennessee
Jabu Lovelace – Rutgers
Matt Grothe – South Florida
Juice Williams – Illinois

kock.jpg
Kock

Running Backs:
Ryan Kock – Iowa State
Cain Ringstaff – Virginia
Tracy Slocum – Cal
Jimmy Johns – Alabama
Dusty Pickle – Virginia Tech
Kyle Kummer – Rutgers
Junior Jabbie – Notre Dame
Ricky Lay – Army

fagg.jpg
Fagg

Wide Recievers:
Maserati Jemison – Arizona State
Bryant Creamer – Illinois
Derek Harden – Ohio State
Lance Long – Mississippi State
Bram Cannon – Tennessee
Sean Penix – Arkansas
De’Cody Fagg – Florida State

sackrider.jpg
Sackrider

Tight Ends:
Nick Vanderboom – USC
Kyle Sackrider – Michigan State
Richard Dickson – LSU (please tell me he goes by ‘Dick’)
Ed Wang – Virginia Tech
Reggie Fugett – Cincinnati
Clay Woody – Army

head.jpg
Head

Offensive Linemen:
Jordan Goos – Iowa State
Devin Head – Colorado
Kyle Nail – Texas A&M
John Asamoah – Illinois
Gunner Boykin – Mississippi State
Cannon Gaskin – Wake Forest
Jack Geiser – Boston College
Joe Breaux – Navy
Andrew Pipes – Air Force

Defense

kuntz.jpg
Kuntz

Defensive Linemen:
Shawn Moorehead – Iowa State
Rimmon McNeese – Kansas State
Thor Pili – Oregon
Jay Ramshaw – Illinois
Jonal Saint-Dic – Michigan State
Clint Huntrods – Iowa
Vegas Franklin – Miami
Casey Camero – Duke
Pat Kuntz – Notre Dame

rockwood.jpg
Rockwood

Linebackers:
Greg Van Hoesen – Cal
Max Johnson – Arizona
Adam Licker – Ohio State
Wesley Woodyard – Kentucky
Moses Fokou – Maryland
John Holmes – West Virginia
Charlie Rockwood – Army
Kevin Beavers – Army

mcclam.jpg
McClam

Defensive Backs:
Maurice Linguist – Baylor
Lance Fuller – Texas Tech
Reggie Rock – Iowa State
Chris Baloney – Arizona
Spencer Ridenhour – Penn State
Ramon Broadway – Arkansas
Matt Rising – Duke
Cooter Arnold – North Carolina
Jimmy McClam – Connecticut

Special Teams

Punters:
Brandon Ream – Penn State
Kody Bliss – Auburn

desmyter.jpg
DeSmyter

Kickers:
Randy DeSmyter – Duke
Ryan Succop – South Carolina

Rarely does a young man’s future seem to be clearly mapped out when he first graduates from college. But for these few proud men, success is virtually guaranteed. If not in the NFL, then at least in the equally glamorous adult film industry.

Here’s looking forward to an equally tumescent 2007!

Previous editions:

The Big 12

The Pac-10

The Big Ten

The SEC

The ACC

Read Full Post »