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Archive for December 14th, 2006

Hollywood – The director of bloodthirsty hits The Passion of The Christ and the new Apocalypto has had an apparent change of heart. Mel Gibson came out against violence in video games today, citing one particularly egregious example.

“I am disgusted and appalled at the rampant bloodshed in the new game The Shivah” Gibson announced outside of a theater that was conveniently showing his new torture and decapitation vehicle Apocalypto “That it is violent is an indictment of our society as a whole. That it is Jewish is a vindication of everything I stand for. I’ll be taking that apology now, America.”

When representatives of Manifesto Games challenged Gibson to point to a single instance of on-screen violence in the game, he grew indignant.

“Well, it’s certainly not overt! They’re far too crafty for that! The violence is implied by the questionable choice of a Rabbinical protagonist! Besides, I’m pretty sure there was a scene in there where the Elders of Zion sit in a huge map room and single out influential celebrities they want to destroy… that shit was in there!”

When one of the assembled reporters asked Mr. Gibson if he thought that unabashedly vicious games like Grand Theft Auto might be better targets for his crusade, he responded with disdain.

“You liberal pansies are all the same. Can’t take a little cartoon violence. Grand Theft Auto is a trifle! Besides, it’s clearly an homage to my overlooked 1999 starring role in Payback.”

Nora Goldstein of The Jewish Times then confronted Gibson about the hypocrisy of his seeking violence in a kosher mystery game when his latest film features hours of bloodshed, with nary a Hasidim in sight. He grinned.

“Ha, you think just because there is no scientific evidence of Jews in Mayan society that it couldn’t be, eh? You people are so blind, or else you’re covering something up. If you’ll just look at my father’s research on the issue, you’ll see that Jews have always been with us. Provoking, antagonizing, and most certainly NOT being exterminated by genocidal madmen….”

As many in the crowd began to roll their eyes and wander away, a thirteen-year-old boy remarked on the irony of it all. “I’m no anti-semite.” said Brodie Charles “But anyone can see that the graphics suck, and the gameplay is reminiscent of a 1985 text adventure. If you want a reason not to play the game, there ya go.”

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I would like to thank Dave at Wadjeteye Games for having a great sense of humor. No word yet from Mel.

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