You’re not going to believe this, but the Extrapolater was offered a scholarship to Drake University way back in 1987. I turned down the Kajagoogoo, folded the letter, put it in the pocket of my parachute pants, and asked myself “Who the hell are the Drake Bulldogs?”. I ended up staying home and going to Kansas just in time for Danny Manning’s finest hour, so at the time I never felt the need to answer that question for myself.
But now, nearly 20 years later, it’s time to unwrap the riddle. Iowa went into Drake’s shiny new Wells Fargo Arena and got spanked 75-59. Which had to hurt, because the Bulldogs are 7-2 under the guidance of former Hawkeye legend Tom Davis. He’s reigning master of the state this year, having also beat Iowa State in early December. Other, less impressive victories on the schedule look like an all-name team: Winona, Truman, Waldorf, and Cal Irvine. But Coach Davis is definitely bringing unprecedented respect to the little school that could in Des Moines.
Still, with a hall-of-fame coach on a lifetime contract, Drake is doing their part to burnish the luster of the Missouri Valley Conference. At the end of Saturday’s game, the assembled students began chanting “MVC! MVC! MVC!”. I don’t know about you, but when my alma mater won basketball games, I never, ever chanted “Big 12, Big 12!”. Then again, I already told you how old I am, so I guess I can admit it was “Big 8, Big 8!”. But we still never said it.
So, MVC schools are the Musketeers of College Basketball – One for all, and all for One! Let’s learn about the Bulldogs.
- If you think I’m making fun of Tom Davis, you’re crazy.
- However, Coach Davis has a lifetime contract that calls for his son Keno to take over when he retires. Sounds like a bit of a gamble (rimshot, rubber chicken).
- Keno tries very hard to keep dear old dad from watching any Joe Paterno news conferences.
- Despite having guaranteed employment through 2011, Keno is buying his father socks for Christmas once again this year.
- Yep, he’s one of those Korvers. Big brother Kyle rocked the same haircut at Creighton.
- Currently leading the MVC in fan letters from giddy farm girls.
- Failed to score against Iowa. Claims the ghost of Acie Earl was blocking his shots.
- I did not resize this photo. Apparently someone down at drakebulldogs.org has a crush on the guy, too.
- Developed a taste for escargot while touring France with Athletes in Action this summer. Admits that backyard snails from Des Moines aren’t nearly as good.
- Named to the All Downriver Dream Team in High School, which was apparently named by someone not aware of the horrific legacy of slavery.
- Has vowed to slap anyone who gives him Dr. Suess’ Oh, The Places You’ll Go as a graduation gift.
- Is from Drakkar Noir, Senegal.
- Came to Iowa in High School as an Exchange Student. Apparently didn’t get the memo that he was supposed to play soccer.
- Is majoring in Computer Science. Apparently didn’t get the memo about the Sports Administration program.
- Rather liked the new NBA ball.
- Likes to point out that in the 18th century, 5′ 10″ would have been “quite tall”.
- Is lobbying the student council to change the name of the team to the Drake Firedrakes after reading Beowulf.
- Voiced a character named Sparky, who was cut out of the animated Penguin movie Happy Feet.
- Thinks the moustache is “suave”.
- Started as a true freshman, following in the immortal footsteps of former Bulldog Joey Gaw.
- Seriously, drakebulldogs.org, what is the deal with these photos?
So there you have them, the Drake University Bulldogs. I promise, next week, there will be NO MVC in “Who The Hell Are…?” I don’t care if Evansville knocks off Duke (which would be quite a feat, as they are not scheduled to play), I will go elsewhere!
Besides, this is just grist for my new cause. The “Missouri Valley Conference is no longer a Mid-Major” bandwagon is now leaving the station.
I kid because I love here at Extrapolater. However, I do have a site dedicated to getting the straight dope about colleges across America, called College Rule Notebook. If you’d like to set me straight, take the quick survey. We’ll dig up links & photos to illustrate your answers.