Tuscaloosa, AL – Like all Americans, we here at The Extrapolater have been glued to our internets, following closely as events unfold in the Saban to Alabama story. Loserwithsocks has been with the story since the day Mike Shula was fired, and has stayed with us through the Bataan Coaching Search and the eventual hire of Nick Saban from the Miami Dolphins.
We all reacted with horror when we saw the first photos of a disheveled and clearly frightened Saban in the hands of radical Tide fans. The same fear rose simultaneously in the minds of college football fans across the nation: Saban had been kidnapped by a rabid cabal of Pachyderm faithful, who no doubt feared that Saban would be lured back to the NFL by the Raiders in exchange for $70 million and unlimited Art Shell piggyback rides.
Ladies and Gentlemen, The Extrapolater is relieved to report that our long national nightmare is over. Close perusal of the photo provided by loserwithsocks proves that the man in the photo is not Saban, but rather 80s wimp-rock sensation Peter Cetera.
The radical splinter group has threatened to kill Cetera unless the Tide go 13-0 next year. Masked revolutionary El Jefe Grande has said he will also be appeased by a “Peter Cetera Night” on next season’s American Idol.
We will report more on these events as they unfold.