Texas Governor Rick Perry expressed shock today at the inflammatory public antics of Ted Nugent. The rocker, known by the nickname “The Motor City Madman”, was the closing act at the Governor’s Inaugural Ball in Austin, where he brandished machine guns and a confederate flag T-shirt.
“Never in a million years did I expect something outrageous from Ted Nugent” said the two-term Governor. “He and I are old hunting buddies, and there’s always been a sort of unspoken rule between us that what we say in the deer stand stays in the deer stand. I mean shee-it, I done told that Yankee redneck twice-t!”
A former Republican governor of Texas spoke to The Extrapolater on conditions of strict anonymity:
Sure, I know ol’ Ted. Ted-arooni. Teddy Ruxpin. He’s good folks. He just ain’t quite figured out how to do what I did – go from being a northern-born outsider to honorary redneck by borrowing a Texas accent. Sorry, I meant to say borrowin’.
George Allen taught Republicans an important lesson in the last elections. We learned that you can say whatever you want when you’re in with your own kind, as long as you button it up and act civilized when the microphone comes on.
But hell, you know, he’s a straight shooter, and I respect him for that. If you put a muzzle on Ted Nugent, then the terrorists have already won.
Tex “Bronco” Houston, President of the Texas Bowhunter’s Association, cited a historical precedent of free speech in defense of Nugent. “My grandaddy’s grandaddy fought the Meskins in the Civil War, and he didn’t do it for slavery. He did it so me and my own children could one day drink a bottle of moonshine, mebbe do a little dynamite fishin’, and so that we could say whatever we want about whoever we want whenever we want. So all you liberals, Meskins, A-rabs, and little yeller people can kiss my flabby white butt.”
When reached for comment, Nugent replied “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Motor City Madman!!!! Yeah!!! Yeah!!!! What?”