Who The Hell Are… The Virginia Commonwealth Rams?

It pains me to write this article, but the Rams have earned it. After a few early stumbles out-of-conference, including a silly loss to Appalachian State, VCU head coach Anthony Grant has the ship righted. The Richmond-based team is now 10-0 in the Colonial Athletic Association, including wins over last year’s Final Four darlings George Mason, and my own Old Dominion Monarchs.

The CAA is my pick for the next surprise conference. If they can follow The Valley’s lead and keep the good coaches from jumping ship, and keep making an imprint on the field of 64, they have a chance to raise the profile of the entire league. With representatives in Philly, Boston, and the D.C. area, the economic potential may actually be greater than that of the MVC. And since we’re talking about collegiate amateur athletics, it’s all about the money, dawg.

Anyway, let’s take a look at these black-and-gold clad denizens of the Siegel Center:

Head Coach Anthony Grant

• Was hired by VCU President Eugene Trani because he was the only candidate to refrain from giggling and saying “Seriously, your name is Tranny?”
• Researchers from Virginia Commonwealth determined scientifically that Grant is only 22.6% as annoying as previous coach Jeff Capel. Will need to get those numbers up if he wants to keep his job.
• Left Florida after the National Championship season because he was tired of being asked to hold Joakim Noah’s handbag in department stores.
• Wore goggles in his playing days at Dayton so people would think he was Horace Grant’s brother.

Junior F Wil Fameni

• From Cameroon, West Africa, where mid-major basketball players are now the nation’s third largest export after coffee and rubber.
• Like all of those ass-kissy foreign players, is majoring in something applicable (Accounting) and plans to graduate.
• Sat out one year after transferring from Arizona State. Has said the chance to eat at Kuba Kuba every day was the deciding factor in choosing VCU as his destination.

Sophomore G Eric Maynor

• Favorite Assistant Coach: Tony Pujol.
• Won his High School Science Fair by installing a Flux Capacitor on a moped. Sadly, he was never able to achieve the velocity needed to engage the device.
• He don’t use tissues, or his sleeves, he don’t use napkins… he uses maaaagazines.

Senior G Jesse Pellot-Rosa

• One of the few hyphenated names that is more fun to say than that of New England Patriot’s linebacker Tully Banta-Cain.
• Made a courageous return to basketball after missing an entire season with a life-threatening lawn darts injury.
• Keeps several glasses of water by his bed in case those aliens from Signs ever try to grab him.

Senior G B.A. Walker

• Parents named him after their favorite member of the A-Team: B.A. Barackus. He still refuses to drink milk before a game.
• Hails from the cruelly named municipality of Onancock, VA.
• Has won the team’s Americas Cup Yacht Racing fantasy league three years running.

Junior F Michael Anderson

• Played in the Boo Williams Summer AAU league, which is more than a little bit fun to say.
• Often rocks the Derrick Coleman headband during games.
• Really, really doesn’t miss the Jeff Capel face.

The CAA is an up-and-down conference, where even the best teams can lose a couple on the road. Right now the only realistic road to the Big Dance is to win the conference tourney, but the Rams may be able to make a bid for at-large consideration if they continue to play this well in-conference. Ideally, they would meet up with the Oklahoma Sooners and give their old coach something to cry about (though the simple fact of going to Duke was more than enough for Bobby Hurley, Cherokee Parks, Quin Snyder, and Christian Laettner).

So yeah, I’ll say it. Go Rams! Go CAA!

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