The Bracket Busters games this past weekend posed quite a conundrum for this column. Usually I have to pick between one or two deserving mid-to-low majors to fake/real profile. On a weekend when they all played each other, I had to really examine my criteria for inclusion and make a case for each team on my radar.
I admit I feel bad, because Winthrop has been deserving for about five weeks now (are they happy, or sad, that I have skipped them thus far?), but someone else always grabs my attention. Today it’s Appalachian State, who have made quiet work of several major programs this year. This past weekend they went on the road to beat Wichita State, pretty much ending WSU’s at-large dreams.
On The Road is more than just required reading for Freshman Lit at Mid Major universities. It’s the only way they can play quality competition, and App State is no different. For most low-majors, the roadies are all losses, but they’re considered “quality losses” that boost RPI and strength of schedule. Well, for ASU, traveling to the San Juan Shootout put them in position to beat Virginia (ACC), Central Florida (Conference USA), and Vanderbilt (SEC) and served notice that they are a good team. They also won at Colonial powerhouse VCU, which is a difficult feat. They’re 22-6 overall and 13-3 in the Southern Conference.
Appalachian State University is located in the thriving metropolis of Boone, North Carolina (just a couple miles past Blowing Rock, then turn right at the General Store, tell ’em Cletus sent ya). The Mountaineer football team last won the 1-AA playoffs in 2005, but they always challenge for top prize. Linebacker Dexter Coakley and novelist Charles Frazier are among famous alumni of ASU.
In addition, if you get lost on a canoe trip near Boone, the ASU mascot, Yosef, can teach you many useful things – how to skin a deer, how to build a lean-to, and how to squeal like a pig.
I know… not nice! I promise if ASU supporters get me enough hits to jump into the WordPress Top 10, I will buy an ASU sweatshirt and wear it throughout the NCAA tournament. I may even try to attend a game in person so I can dispel my horrible stereotypes (or confirm them, whichever the case may be).
Let’s talk basketball.
- Yet another member of the Buzz Peterson coaching tree.
- Still has to show ID to buy cigarettes, which is saying something in North Carolina
- Is working on his autobiography, but publishers rejected the proposed title: From Cocke County to Howard’s Knob, calling it “obscene”.
- Boone residents were slow to accept Fancher. They consider his mouth full of teeth to be evidence of “high-falutin’ ways”.
- As a member of PETA, he gets extremely pumped up for the annual tilt against Furman.
- Thinks yellow road uniforms make him look like a coward.
- Says he loves hip-hop, but is secretly a huge Coldplay fan.
- Transferred to ASU from Virginia after Pete Gillen left without showing him the location of his pot o’ gold.
- During his senior year at Fork Union Military Academy, ordered a Code Red on the Chones brothers (now at Colgate).
- Found the Wichita State mascot to be “terrifying”, and led all scorers in an attempt to “wipe that snarl off his face”.
- Has written a new school song that goes “You say Apple-ay-shun, I say Appo-latchen, let’s call the whole thing off!”. The song is not very popular.
- Is hoping the SoCon will set up a conference challenge with the Northeast, so he can finally have a shot at Quinnipiac.
- Wants to appear on Fox’s hit show House, just so he can shout “You’re risking a patient’s life!”
- Is getting tired of everyone calling him “Salami”, since White Shadow went off the air before he was even born.
- Is really trying to grow out the mustache. No, really, I’m serious.
- No, this profile was not ghost-written by ESPN’s Bill Simmons.
- Originally from Orlando, so plans to shout “I’m going to Disney World!” whether the Mountaineers win or lose their tournament game.
- Doesn’t much like you referring to him as “bullethead”.
- As a fourth-grader, he entered an essay in the “What I Want to be When I Grow Up” contest. It was titled All I Wanta Do is Zoooma zoom zoom in the Boom Boom. It came in third.
So there are your Appalachian (-latchen? -layshun?) State Mountaineers. The SoCon is likely a one-bid conference, so the Mountaineers must hold serve in the conference tournament. I really hope I don’t have to go back and write a “Who the Hell Are… Davidson” or “… Wofford”, because I have no freaking idea who they are.
True to my word, I will be sporting this sweet little number come tournament time. I will make sure to watch the SoCon tourney championship if App State makes it. I’ll post a photo at that time. The sweet southern gal who took my phone order said I should have in in two business days, so I’ll be set just in time!By the way, the Michigan/App State game isn’t going over too well, apparently…
I kid because I love here at Extrapolater. However, I do have a site dedicated to getting the straight dope about colleges across America, called College Rule Notebook. If you’d like to set me straight, take the quick survey. We’ll dig up links & photos to illustrate your answers.
As a North Carolinian, I have a few things to point out:
1. ASU is the 2-time defending NCAA Division 1-AA National Champions.
2. How can you talk about App. State without linking this commercial?
3. Boone has the highest elevation of any town over 10,000 east of the Mississippi river (elev. 3,333 ft above sea level).
4. Both App. State and Davidson (from the Charlotte Metro area) have RPIs comparable to major conference teams (Ga. Tech, Michigan, Missouri State, and I think 5 Big East teams). If they both go undefeated from this point on and face off in the SoCon championship game, the loser has enough on their resume to be considered as an at-large.
That will be all.
Doh! I read about that commercial and failed to find it. OK, I didn’t look very hard. But that’s why I have a comments section.
And how the hell do you know all of this stuff? I’m going to ask you to guest-write if you insist on knowing stuff. Then again, you could severely damage my reputation if you show up knowing stuff.
I’m a UNC alum. App. State is in the UNC School system. I have to keep track of the sister schools, especially when they do well. All of the RPI information is at the Mid Majority.
If the Heels play UVa in the ACC tournament, I may take up your offer.
Both App St and Davidson are in SoCon-North, so if they met in the tourney it’d be in the semi-final. In any case, that would probably be the game for the championship since SoCon-South is weak.
I know this for the same reason as MikeWhite. I’m a NC State alum- UNC system schools keep tabs on each other.
By the way Mike- Feb. 3rd, 83-79.
Woo! We beat out Winthrop…take that, Greg Marshall!
And, is the Buzz Peterson coaching tree that big? If so, I wouldn’t want to stand around it during a particularly windy day…
Actually Davidson is no longer in the SoCon-North, we are now in the SoCon South and we are currently #4 in the mid-major poll so get ready to write a Who the Hell is Davidson. The only reason they were not in bracket busters was that they had an already scheduled beating of Western Carolina to take care of.
Fun Fact about Davidson: Woodrow Wilson went there until the school burned down.
umm app is the socon-north and davidson is in the socon-south so YES they can meet in the tournament championship
and as was previoulsly mentioned we won the I-AA football national championship in 2005 AND 2006 but it is now just called the NCAA Div-I football national championship and we are in the championship subdivision….what used to be I-A is now the bowl subdivision and they can only win the BCS National Championship
Davidson has a good RPI, but their problem for at-large consideration is that they’re undefeated against #100+ teams, but 0-4 against Top 100 teams, losing to Missouri, App, Michigan, and a 28 point loss in the annual game with Duke. (On the plus side, Billy Packer was nice to Davidson during the Duke-GT game, saying that Duke’s win over Davidson qualified as a very good win because of the margin and because Davidson is good.) Davidson has a lot of 100-150 wins, possibly the best being at Arizona State… which isn’t that impressive. So they’re good, but they don’t have a marquee win.
App, on the other hand, does have possibly the most unlikely loss in DI basketball this year, the one point stunner at home to terrible Elon, plus the UNC-G and Furman losses, but makes up for that with a few marquee wins, the aforementioned Virginia, Vandy, VCU, Wichita State, and Davidson wins. They also beat Central Florida, who is arguably as good as anyone Davidson’s beaten as well.
So App St. probably has a better shot at an at-large. Maybe not as good as Winthrop, which is 0-4 against Top 25 caliber teams (Wisconsin, UNC, Texas A&M, Maryland) but 2-0 or 3-0 versus 26-50 teams in Missouri St, Mississippi St, and ODU, depending on how much you credit those three and which rankings you go by.
And I’m a Duke graduate and native North Carolinian, in case you’re wondering. We North Carolinians care about our small colleges and their basketball. Especially since so many ACC teams played Winthrop, App, and Davidson this year… they’re helping our RPIs too.
Well, I think that’s cool that you guys keep track of all those schools. And I am shocked, shocked! that my slapdash, look-over-my-shoulder-for-my-boss research methods did not turn up the fact that App is part of the UNC system. I learn something every time I do one of these.
“and as was previoulsly mentioned we won the I-AA football national championship in 2005 AND 2006 but it is now just called the NCAA Div-I football national championship and we are in the championship subdivision….what used to be I-A is now the bowl subdivision and they can only win the BCS National Championship”
C’mon, you have to admit this is confusing.
Anyway, I write about non-majors because I love them. So, I guess I kid because I love. I go to Old Dominion these days, but they’re the flavor of the month right now, so I’m not trying to compete with ESPN, though I could guarantee that my article would be 75% less factual.
I went to App State. Davidson plays in SoCon South, but App’s big problem is getting by UNCG (Greensboro), they always give us problems. Davidson and College of Charleston both have respectable teams in the SoCon South.
By the way App State has won two straight Division I-A Football Championships (05,06). We are favorites to win again next year.
I forgot to inform everyone about the upset of the century when App State plays Michigan (in football) Sept 1st 2007 in Ann Arbor.
Enjoyed the article and the attention. I’m sure the players had a ball with your comments (my fav.’s bullet head and white shadow reference, which ages me and no college student now will get it). The Mountaineers also swept the College of Charleston this year, South Division #2 seed coached by former coach Bobby Cremins (Ga. Tech). He led the Apps to the NCAA tourney in 1979. All the national championships are great, but I am waiting for the Sweet 16 appearance in 2007! Go Apps!!!!!
Women who go to the ballpark get feelings like they are doing something wrong, that they shouldn’t be there.
Women out on Bourboun Street today (Fat Tuesday) don’t get these thoughts because they are sluts.
You have casual sexed away your women’s intuition.
Even if you go up you are not saved. YOU have to fix YOUR problems with the gods. They won’t respect it otherwise.
You have to take responsibility for your relationship with the gods.
The first steps towards repairing your relationship with the gods is to:::::::::
1. Understand they instruct the computer to “role play” in an attempt to confuse you:::it’s ALWAYS the computer addressing you. Their goal is to cost you additional YEARS of your life by using this tactic to confuse you. Always be aware of this tactic and eventually they will give up and allow this step to be taken.
2. Differentiate between your thoughts and when they are thinking through you.
3. Be resigned to be a good person who will never engage in evil again even if ordered and they will stop trying to corrupt you, allowing this very big step to be taken.
4. Decide that you are going to follow the path, fix your relationship with the gods be devoted to your new life.
The gods employ the use of “ringers” to disceive the disfavored:::
A significant portion of the patients in any health care setting (numbers based on region) are the favored (clones) who were told to report non-existant symptoms FOR POSITIONING’S SAKE!!! When they use examples expect they are trying to disceive you with this “ringer” tactic.
Therapists prey on others. They earn their livlihood capitalizing on another’s disfavor, knowing disfavor is why they are experiencing problems.
At some point in their lives they learn this truth. That point and time is the most crucial in their lives for if they make the wrong decision and stay in their industry/follow through with their education they hurt themselves very badly in the eyes of the gods.
Directing them into the industry (create passion)/telling them to take this path/compliance is a way to incurr evil on otherwise very good people (if you understand the demographic), people who normally would get a great amount of time, and it ensurs their stay is minimized if and when they do go.
Lesbians need to rediscover their femininity for it is their advantage, it is what makes women superior to men. Perhaps it is the vulnerability that helps them readily find the path.
When a woman repells from her femininity it is a bad sign for it means the gods don’t want her to be favored. Butchs and other lesbians need to rediscover this dynamic because this is the trait that can save them.
My advice to homosexuals woudl be the following:::
1. Stop enagaging in promiscuity and groups sex. This hurts you very badly.
2. Be monagamous.
3. Stop watching pornography.
4. Be as decent and respectable as you can wihtin the context of your sexual orientation.
The gods punished the hedonism of the 60s and 70s by introducing AIDS:::::
They peaked the disfavored euphporically, made them homosexual then punished them with AIDS. They don’t give a fuck. They love to be vindictive and malicious. It is important that you get out of this USA-empowered state of mind. Be afraid. You DO IN FACT live under an iron fist. The fact they set up this deceptive enviornment should strike fear in your heart for it says something about their intent.
Be god-fearing.
They pushed Africans into being promiscuous and now punish them with AIDS. The gods have inflicted hypersexuality on Africans, illustrated by their art. Prior to the late 20th century the gods punished them in different ways:::slavery, African drought/famine, female genital mutiliation, violence, etc.
AIDS is far worse than the Holocaust for the perpetrators have gotten away with murder. They are multi-millionaries and live in luxury. Unlike the Nazis they neither can nor will be hunted down. And they will always have ptotection from the gods, for the gods originally authorized these clones to create/manufacture the AIDS virus (outlandish profits in this industry was “the rope”, temptation for the disfavored investor who incurred evil, limiting their time).
Then they will be granted their time, perhaps thousands of years if not more.
Yes the Holocaust was staged and few if any real Jews died. However they did it EXPECT the gods used clones WITHOUT brains in their cranial cavity, the ULTIMATE in disposability.
Many disfavoreds who died of AIDS were reals. And if you don’t believe it then you don’t understand disfavor:::The Jews are an antient people used to help the disfavored and were spread throughout Europe to try to help misled Christians. Misled Christians like you.
Those who died of AIDS may have been the member of the family whom innocculations saved. The gods disposed of them this way instead.
Be god-fearing.
Africans and their decendants have gross disfavor::::
There have been 14 species of large animals capable of domestication in the history of mankind. 13 were from Europe, Asia and northern Africa but none from the sub-Saharan African continent.
Africans suffered failed attempts to domesticate the elephant and zebra, the latter being an animal that had the utmost importance for it’s applicability in transformation from a hunting/gathering to agrarian-based civilization.
The Counsel/Management Team/ruling species (the gods) abuse black people so hard, from east African drought/famine to AIDS in Africa to female genital mutiliation, to the crack epiemic and gang membership, black-on-black violence to mass incarceration of their young. They refuse to address the issue of the prison industrial complex and its wholesale warehousing of young black men.
The gods use the United States to hurt the disfavored, at home and abroad, for it is the goal of redwhite&blue:::
20th century welfare hurt the black community very, very badly. There was too many abuses of the system and its legacy is still felt today.
There will come a time that will be a CRUCIAL moment in the history of black america (whether it is a critical time for everybody remains to be seen). When that era arrives the gods will instruct the United States to pay black people reparations, and it may be as much as a million dollars for every man, woman and child.
Refuse it. This is an act of preditation. The gods hate Africans, evident by the sorry state of the people in the United States and back in the motherland. This may ba a choice between going and the money. Understand how the gods use greed and materialism against you:::::Blacks wallow in materialiam, incurring evil and costing themselves time. And when their time DOES come they will be granted reparations immediately prior, further limiting the number of Africans who ascend.
The day IS coming when they will grant reparations, and the amount will be staggering, another tactic to ensure you fail in the quest to ascend into heaven. And many of the disfavored blacks will blow it all; the gods will push them into spending it friviously or losing it in their casinos.
It’s hard to follow that.
I told my mom never to post here again!
Well, Deadspin and the state of North Carolina got me in the WordPress top 10, so I guess I need to get a shirt now.
They threatened they would keep a hurricane a category 5 even as far inland as Atlanta to destroy the city twice:
Uh……………..wow. Talking about sports just got really uncomfortable.
But dude! have you seen the new list of fastest growing blogs? You and I were #1 and #2! Do you know what sent me over the top? Sidney Lowe’s Red Blazer. I’m just glad I didn’t make a bet with HighonLowe, or else I’d have to wear that jacket tomorrow night.
It took me a second to realize it was you – the icons are so small! It is very cool to be up there. It’s funny, you have to be in the top ten to get even more hits. It’s like that saying “you have to have money to make money”.
We will need a picture as proof that you have that shirt!
I would expect nothing less.
The irony of it all is, I look a little bit like Yosef.
You forgot to mention that Bradley beat VCU in the bracketbuster.
OK, I have a mission for y’all. Get the ASU bookstore to accept online credit card orders. They have exactly the shirt I want (More Yosef for me, thanks!), but I can’t order it.
Ok, I guess Davidson is in SoCon-South, (I blame my source, massey ratings)
Aanyway, App St always talks big leading up to their D1 matchups, then they lose promptly (exhibit 1: ASU @ NCState, 10-23. ASU’s only loss of their 2006 Championship year, and 1 of NCSU’s 3 wins)
Didn’t Davidson graduate their 5 senior starters from last year? I live in the town of Davidson by the way. Its a great school with a great community.
That’s got to be better than “Let’s go get our asses kicked!!!”
Wow…who needs to put facts in the original blog when your commenters will just nerd it up on their own?
Oh…and BTW, did you know that ASU is in the SoCon North, Davidson in the South, and we won 2 national titles, albeit under different Divisional Names?
Just checking…
This blog is a nerd safe harbor. I mean, it’s a blog. Blog=nerd.
If memory serves, you can call the bookstore and they’ll do credit card orders over the phone.
Oh, and the one thing I haven’t seen covered yet that you really need to know. Appalachian is pronounced with a short, not long, third “A.” I know it might seem silly to discuss pronunciation on a blog where you cannot hear anyone, but this is a rather huge source of contention for Mountaineers fans.
Well, I did bring it up. Good to know. Now we’ll just need to get this info to whoever covers your tourney games. (Cart before the horse warning!)
Nice throwback references. Classy
if they’re from Appalachia….maybe they’re all related?!?!?
Nice!!!
It’s perhaps one of my state’s assests: The ability to produce great basketball teams… GO NC.. GO App State Mountaineers..
Howdy,
Just in case you didn’t see my comment on the other blog:
“Haha, I’m not angry. I thought it was more funny than anything. Both of your posts were well written and I enjoyed them. It just supports the fact that ASU gets no respect. And I’ve been out of the porn biz for weeks now…”
Well, I only wrote about them because I respect them. My blog is about being goofy, so my basketball profiles are goofy too.
You’ll get revenge when I give you all a picture of me in my ASU shirt. I dropped $20 to show my respect and thank you all for giving me a very good week of solid hits. As soon as I get it, I’ll post the picture.
I take it you haven’t received your shirt yet?
Just to let you know, we are not all “country bumpkins” haha. I mean A lot of people who go here are from Greensboro, Charlotte, and Raleigh. While the “locals” might be country, the actual school is far from it.
and were nasty and footall and basketball
[…] bet that Appalachian State fans could not get me into the top ten of WordPress when I wrote Who The Hell Are… The Appalachian State Mountaineers? If they pulled it off, I was to buy an App State shirt. Well, they had some help from Deadspin, […]
ASU’s students are statistically the most wealthy students in the UNC school system our families are better of than that of the Tarheels…please, rednecks?? – get real. Go check out NC State.
The world is full of wealthy rednecks.
Billy Bob Thornton anyone?
[…] (Editor’s note: I learned that Appalachian State is part of the UNC system when I wrote “Who The Hell Are… The Appalachian State Mountaineers” for my other blog. That is the brouhaha my Mountaineer friend is referring […]
Wow, 41 I’ honored. I liked your article and posts but I disliked the fake profiles of the players and Coach Fancher. I know many of them personally and coach Fancher is my neigbor. Although they would have been humerous if I didn’t like Appalachian. And we are not all rednecks in Watauga County, the rednecks could care less about Appalachian.
[…] DePaul Blue Demons, The Appalachian State Mountaineers, The Air Force Falcons, The Vermont Catamounts, and The Marist Red Foxes are all in the NIT after […]
I think we have some good recruits coming in next season. We’ll see
I received a great education at ASU. We may be small but we are proud.
Appalachian State University is the I AA fooball team that upset #5 ranked Michigan!!
I am PROUD to be ASU alumini!!
Do you know who Appalachian is yet?
😉
Hi
Very interesting information! Thanks!
Bye
Hello there, simply was alert to your blog thru Google, and found that it is truly informative. I am going to be careful for brussels. I will appreciate in the event you proceed this in future. Numerous other folks might be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!