Yeah, that’s them.
But seriously, Vermont is a dynasty in the making in the America East Conference. Which is roughly equivalent to mine being the 47,000th most popular blog on Technorati. It could be a lot less impressive, but it’s still a long way from floating anyone’s boat. By the way, this profile was requested by Awful Announcing, who is roughly equivalent to Creighton in this analogy. Actually, since I just linked to him again, he’s
Southern Illinois Nevada now.
They’ve had an up-and-down season, dropping a road game at Maryland, then beating BC before losing some winnable games to Drexel, Maine, and Harvard. But they’re on a 12-0 streak right now, and rolling into a revenge game with Maine on their way to the AEC tourney championship to go with their regular-season crown (not to mention the NCAA tourney bid, which I’m not supposed to mention because it’s been determined that I’m a jinx).
Copperfield is gone, so let’s see if we can make heads or tails of the current team (bonus – Vermont posts photos in the one file format WordPress won’t accept, so we get “action shots” instead of posed headshots):
- Had a pretty good gig as an assistant at Maryland, but got tired of wringing Gary Williams’ sweat out of his sport coat at the end of every game.
- Puts his tie on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.
- Spends his weekends driving around looking for that Inn that’s run by Bob Newhart.
- Led St. Luke’s School of Connecticut to a NEPSAC class D championship before coming to Vermont. Most of his friends claim he is a Class A NEPSAC.
- Can’t decide if he wants to major in Phys Ed. or Physics.
- Majoring in Enligsh as a Second Language. Apparentnly, so am I.
- Was a ballboy for the Catamounts as a lad, but still doesn’t get the mascot.
- Has given up plucking his eyebrows for Lent.
- Transferred to Vermont from Rhode Island when he realized Jim Harrick was the only RI coach willing to give him a Range Rover.
- Is a graduate of Green Valley High. Since his school is in a suburb of Las Vegas, the name strikes us as false advertising. Unless it’s money green we’re talking about.
- Headshot above is actual size, but he’s a monster in the paint.
- His Czech last name is pronounced Klem-esh. Took him a long time to understand why assists are commonly referred to as dimes.
- His sister Zuzi played for the WNBA’s Indiana Fever in 2002, and found the experience so underwhelming that she returned to Europe.
- As team captain, instituted the “Czech Yourself Before You Wrezck Yourself” program to strengthen team discipline.
- There are literally no photos of Marqus on the internet other than his official UVM photo, which is in the .quitstealingourshit file protocol. Please enjoy this photo of Vermont-born U.S. President Chester A. Arthur in its place.
- Has discovered that he hates maple syrup, Ben & Jerry’s, and most especially the band Phish.
- Was recruited by Dartmouth, but interest waned when he insisted on pronouncing it Dart Mouth.
I know you wondered how I could get through an entire column without investigating the Catamount nickname. Well, I can’t. Careful internet research reveals that Catamounts are medieval catapults, which were transported, loaded, and fired by mounted troops. The catlike image was adopted after a tragic misfire resulted in banning of siege engines at NCAA events.
So there you have them… your Vermont Catamounts. Hopefully I havn’t jinxed them the way I did Appalachian State.
I kid because I love here at Extrapolater. However, I do have a site dedicated to getting the straight dope about colleges across America, called College Rule Notebook. If you’d like to set me straight, take the quick survey. We’ll dig up links & photos to illustrate your answers.