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Archive for June 2nd, 2007

loufights.pngi·ro·ny1 /ˈaɪrəni, ˈaɪər-/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[ahy-ruh-nee, ahy-er-] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural -nies. 1. the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning: the irony of her reply, “How nice!” when I said I had to work all weekend.
2. Literature. a. a technique of indicating, as through character or plot development, an intention or attitude opposite to that which is actually or ostensibly stated.
b. (esp. in contemporary writing) a manner of organizing a work so as to give full expression to contradictory or complementary impulses, attitudes, etc., esp. as a means of indicating detachment from a subject, theme, or emotion.

3. Socratic irony.
4. dramatic irony.
5. an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
6. the incongruity of this.
7. an objectively sardonic style of speech or writing. (see: blog)
8. an objectively or humorously sardonic utterance, disposition, quality, etc.
(citation: dictionary.com)

So, Michael Barrett and Carlos Zambrano get in a dustup in the dugout (or, as I like to call it, a little Bonds vs. Kent). Zambrano opens Barrett’s lip and sends him to the hospital. The best part, however, is that “Sweet” Lou Piniella separated the combatants and has stated that he will discipline them both.

I know, stop laughing. Yes, that Lou Piniella. This Lou Piniella:

This kind of stuff is why I write about sports. Anyone can look up the score, but the blogosphere was made for the exploration of delicious cognitive dissonance. Like Lou Piniella disciplining players for acting the way he taught them to act.

Am I the only one who remembers this classic PSA?

Priceless.

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chrisbyoung1.jpgLadies and Gentlemen (and News Team members), I am finally stumped. I have been profiling the rookie hitters all season long in an attempt to get to know them better – to keep them from becoming just random names on the leaderboard. I’ve covered the square face from Germany, the phenom from Japan, and the stoner from California. This week, I was all excited to find out something about the multi-talented outfielder Christopher Brandon Young, who plays for the Arizona Diamondbacks. I found just about four micrograms north of nada on this guy.

As a blogger, I am pretty familiar with the tricks of the searching trade. I tried searching on “Chris B. Young”, and I got several of the basic player cards that all sports and fantasy sites have. Chris B. Young did not go to college. He was drafted in 2001 by the White Sox. He was traded to the Diamondbacks in a trade involving a Hernandez, a Vazquez, and a Vizcaino, just before the 2006 season. He is from Houston and he’s 23 years old.

OK, there are the basics, but I want to know more, so I try Christopher Brandon Young and finally get his Wikipedia page. The page is what Wikipedia delightfully calls “a stub”. The only other info I found there was the identity of his High School – Bellaire High. Apparently this school cranks out state championships and MLB players, including Chuck Knoblauch, Jose Cruz, Jr., and Bubba Crosby. Interestingly enough, Emeka Okafor also played basketball there. And they are so proud of Chris B. that they… fail to list him as a famous alumnus.


Someone owes Chris 14:57 of fame

I looked for puff pieces in the Houston and Phoenix papers. Nothing. I emailed a sports writer from Houston and am awaiting a reply. Why all of the mystery? Is Chris B. Young a pod person? Is he an operative of a hostile nation under deep cover? If so, professional baseball player is the most ballsy cover story I’ve ever heard of.

The only other things I know about CBY are injury facts. One is that he wasn’t rated very highly coming out of college because he had broken his arm during his senior season at Bellaire. The other is that he has skipped a few games recently because of a right groin injury. I found the specificity of the injury to be discomforting, as I’m sure Chris does as well. “Coach, if it were my left groin, I’d be out there, you know that. But I’m right-groinded, and there’s no way I can run the bases with my dominant-side groin at less than 100%”.

So, I plead with you, readers. If you know of a screed, polemic, or revolutionary pamphlet that makes any mention of this player, please let me know about it in the comments. If you are a friend of his, hook me up with an interview, for gods sake – I’m going to blow the lid off of this whole Chris B. Young mystery, and earn my Scooby Snacks.

UPDATE: Thanks to Deadspin, my pitiful cry for information has reached the ears of someone in the know. Writer Matthew Meyers emailed me and passed on a link to his article about CBY (premium content-needs login) as written for Baseball America. In addition, Matt is on a cool road trip right now for CSTV, so I highly recommend following his progress here.

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