UPDATE: This trade seems to be a done deal, with Salty going to Texas and Teixeira going to Atlanta. What the hell is this, a spelling bee?
Not since Chris Fuamatu-Ma’Afala tromped the turf in Pittsburgh have we had a professional athlete whose name so challenged the skills of the team seamstress. A full fourteen letters, on home, road, and alternate jerseys? They oughta dock his pay. Fifty cents a letter, Jarrod.
But seriously. As a large man whose knees frequently hurt, I have a lot of respect for Saltalchlamydia. J-Salt is a Floridian, standing 6′ 4″ and 195 lbs. He’s a switch-hitting catcher with a little power, so pardon the drool in the luxury boxes of the Dirty South. His Wikipedia page sports this line, which I
find hilarious read and reported:
Saltalamacchia’s path to playing full time catcher for the Braves is blocked by Brian McCann. If Saltalamacchia does not settle for being a back up, he will either have to learn a new position or be traded if he is going to have a substantial major league career.
I mean, couldn’t they also trade McCann? Is that not even remotely a possibility? Obviously, McCann is good, but everyone has their price. In all fairness, however, Mr. Salty is seeing some time at 1B, which is probably helping his waiver-wire-pickup numbers in fantasy baseball.
Nonetheless, wherever he plays, Salty is one of our Smells Like Pujols leaders (see sidebar). He’s making the most of his short time in the majors, putting up solid but not spectacular numbers: .284, 4 HR, 12 RBIs and .411 slugging in 141 at-bats.
Salty’s first career home run came off of Philadelphia’s Cole Hamels. Why you gotta be so mean to the ladies, Jarrod? Get your first dinger off of someone like Bob Wickman next time – stop being such a cockblock. There’s enough groupies to go around, I promise.
One thing you might not know about Salty. He’s a modern-day luddite. A downright technophobe. In his Prospect Diary for Baseball America, J-Rod had this to say:
My teammates wear me out about not having anything with me other than my cell phone when I’m on the road. The only time I play video games is when maybe some of the other guys need an extra guy–that’s when I’ll play. But other than that, I don’t even know how to turn those things on. Xbox, PS2–it’s all foreign to me.
Same thing with iPods. I’d love to have one, but I’d have no idea how to even use it.
But seriously. Jarrod Saltalamacchia has made an impact in the SLP standings this year, even though I suspect he won’t have the long-term staying power he’ll need. For now, he counts, and if he gets benched, traded, or sent down to the minors again, I strongly suspect that it will not be for lack of ability.
It will be Bobby Cox and his “letter envy”.