I’ve been reading about Barry Bonds a lot recently. I’ve really had to dig to find news reports about him, but it seems he’s about to break some kind of obscure baseball record. Apparently, nobody wants to pitch to him, though. Poor Barry is being walked because nobody wants to be the goat who gives up THE HOMER.
Well, I was at the Cardinals/Nationals game on Saturday, where position player Aaron Miles pitched in relief, and the solution to our little problem hit me. Let Barroid hit his dinger off of someone who’s not really a pitcher. It robs the moment of any legitimacy it still has, and the position player can laugh it off as “hey, I’m not a pitcher!!!”.
Who should do the deed? The Pirates go to the Bay over the weekend. I think this is a marvelous opportunity for Pittsburgh to sign Jose Canseco and let him pitch just one more time. He retired with just one game under his belt and a 27.00 ERA. We all know he’ll do anything to get his name in the paper, even giving up #756. In fact, given his “I know everything about steroids” blather, he’d probably use it as the basis for another book.
So Pittsburgh fills the seats for a game, Barry gets his homer in what amounts to a stunt, and Jose clowns his way to another 15 minutes of fame. Or at least not-quite-total irrelevance.
It’s win-win, baby. Let’s make this happen.