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“Sorry, Colonel. The ad in the yellow pages said Cavalry Baptist Church.”

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Frend or Foe?

Due to the special diligence of our Washington bureau, The Extrapolater has taken possession of what appears to be the text of an unscientific poll that has been selectively administered by the Bush administration. Veteran political analysts believe this questionnaire intends to draw out the President’s “true friends” in the wake of scandal and poor approval ratings for the GOP. This copy of the document was snatched from a dumpster behind the office of Arizona senator John McCain, just moments after a low-level aide emptied his wastebasket.

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Congressional reaction was mixed:

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Nancy Pelosi (D-California) “I am deeply offended that government resources were wasted on this childish project. Anyway, I’m at least as hot as Laura.”

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Barack Obama (D-Illinois) “I must admit to a sense of surprise that the president would refer to other world leaders with flippant nick-names. Besides, I thought ‘Yo-mama’ was his nickname for me.”

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Dennis Hastert (R-Illinois) “Hey, I didn’t get a copy of this memo. Hell, nobody will even sit next to me in the cafeteria any more. I swear, you’d think I drove him over to the kid’s house or something.”

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George Allen (R-Virginia) “Yeah, Condi’s hot if you like that kind of thing. But I can think of at least three others right off the bat who I’d rather bang. There’s Olympia Snowe, for instance, and Kay Bailey Hutchinson is a stone fox. But for my money, a real overlooked talent is Labor Secretary Elaine Chao. I mean, sure, she’s a chink, but I’d ride her like a pony, you know what I mean? Wait, why are you writing this down?”

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