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Get this: My boss of all people just sent me a link to the item that may well send fantasy sports over the Niagara Falls of dorkiness. In fact, this could propel fantasy sports nuts ahead of the guys who waited in line for PS3.

There are now championship rings for fantasy sports

I can’t wait to get mine after the Smells Like Pujols six-year plan finally pays off and I take the Roto crown this year. Or this season could go the way it usually does and my boss will get “one for the thumb”.

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If you need a refresher in the SLP concept, look back (but pretend you don’t see the hideous cut-and-paste stat lines).

Today I’m going to go ahead and put up the names I’ve collected so far. It’s going to be a bloated list early on, but it should diminish by Opening Day, because I’m dropping anyone off the list who doesn’t make the roster for his team. He’d just start out in too much of a jol.

I also suspect I’ll have to invent some kind of “Mendoza Line” for removal during the season. If a guy spends a month in the minors, his numbers will probably drop far enough that he won’t be able to recover. This is a beta-testing season, so we’ll fine-tune as we go.

Here are the prime rooks, compiled from only two sources so far:

Suggested by Mr. Thursday, who will be tracking pitchers via the GoodEnough For Me method:

alexgordon.jpgDevil Rays prospects:

B.J Upton – DH
Evan Longoria – 3B
Delmon Young – OF
Elijah Dukes – OF

Kansas City:

Alex Gordon – 3B
Billy Butler – OF

Cincinnati Reds:

Jay Bruce – OF

Listed by The GNUru, who will rank anyone, any time, anywhere:

delmon_young.jpgChris B. Young – Arizona OF
Troy Tulowitzki – Colorado Rockies SS
Chris Iannetta – Rockies C
Kevin Kouzmanoff – Cleveland 3B
Akinori Iwamura – Tampa 3B
Adam Lind – Toronto OF
Jason Botts – Rangers OF
Jeff Baker – Rockies OF
Miguel Montero – Arizona C
Dustin Pedroia – Red Sox 2B
Jeff Mathis – Angels C
Josh Fields – White Sox 3B
Hunter Pence – Astros OF
Brandon Wood – Angels SS
Andy LaRoche – Dodgers 3B
Kory Casto – Washington Nationals OF
James Loney – Dodgers 1B
Ryan J. Braun – Brewers 3B

I’m going to add one more name, which I first read over at Babes Love Baseball:

cooperbrannan.jpgCooper Brannan – Padres P

He’s a pitcher, so he doesn’t qualify for my little game, but as a former Marines Corporal who is missing a finger on his left hand due to action overseas, I think his citizenship score is roughly three times the perfect 100 that Pujols scored on a recent exam. So we’ll spot Corporal Coop 300 points for the duration.

I’ll take any additional suggestions you have, but I’m definitely hoping this list gets whittled down some before the season starts.

I will hopefully find a way to make this feature amusing by digging up personal details about the participants as the season goes on.

Thanks for the input!

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My new buddy the GNUru is sharing some of his fantasy baseball acumen today.  He details a general drafting theory and gets straight to the heart of what usually plagues me in drafts – Sexy Pick Syndrome (SPS).  If you’ve been there, or fear that you will go there, you owe it to yourself to read this article.

It won’t talk any of us out of being morons, but at least we’ll have a name for it that we can shout out in the draft room.

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albertpujolstn.jpgRegular readers (I know there’s a couple of you – don’t worry, I won’t tell your parents) will note that I like to develop features to go with my sports seasons. It lends a little consistency and intellectual laziness to the week. Since I started the blog in October of last year, I’ve only managed to cover college football (Porn Name All-Stars) and basketball (Who The Hell Are…?).

My feature for the MLB season is called Smells Like Pujols. Jose Alberto Pujols has been the undisputed center of my fantasy baseball team for three years now, and is a consensus first-round (if not #1) pick in most fantasy drafts. He’s pretty good in real life, too. Using his rookie year as the gold standard, I will be tracking the prospects of several MLB newbies this year. At the end of the season, we will truly know who Smells Like Pujols. I’ll update the standings every week, probably on Mondays.

I’m only looking at hitters. I would go crazy trying to figure out how to value closers vs. starters, and pitchers are less likely to do well as rookies. Besides, what would I call it: Feels Like Papelbon?

I tried to come up with my own statistical system for this. While I did take Statistics, I wouldn’t say I exactly absorbed the concept. So I turned to the Wizard – Bill James. I’m going to use his Similarity Scores concept, with Albert as 1000, and all contenders will be building toward that number during the season. If someone drops down to the minors, their stats stop accruing, but they stay on the board in hopes of being called back up unless it just becomes pathetic to watch some poor guy wallow.

Year Team Lg Age Org. Level   Pos G AB R H 2B 3B HR RBI SB CS BB SO HBP IBB SH SF DP AVG OBP SLG OP
2001 St. Louis MLB 21 Stl MLB logsp   161 590 112 194 47 4 37 130 1 3 69 93 9 6 1 7 21 .329 .403 .610 1013

The 2006 rookie who compares best in my opinion is Washington Nationals infielder Ryan Zimmerman, who compiled these statistics last year:

2006 Washington MLB 21 Wan MLB   3b 157 614 84 176 47 3 20 110 11 8 61 120 2 7 1 4 15 .287 .351 .471 822

Using this system, Zim takes big hits in HR, AVG, and SLG, but still manages a very respectable 876. Obviously, he smells a great deal like Pujols.*

I’ll be looking at the standard rookie lists during spring training, but I’m also opening the floor for nominations. If your hometown club has a rookie giving off the whiff of greatness, let me know his name.

Now – I have to go make a chart to go with this so I can add it to the “Shitty Photoshopping” category as well. Looking forward to reading your suggestions!


*Pujols is a native Dominican who moved the U.S. and grew up in Kansas City, so I’d imagine he smells like a combo of Chicken & Rice, Arthur Bryant’s BBQ, and Ferrari Red cologne. That, and success. He reeks of success.


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Top Ten ways to spend the extra hour gained during the Sunday morning time change

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10. Obsess over your fantasy football lineup.

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9. Consider it repayment for the time you wasted watching “Dancing With the Stars” this week.

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8. Play more WoW.

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7. Demand an emergency 2 a.m. session with your shrink. Two hours of therapy for the price of one!

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6. Watch the last ten minutes of regulation time in a pre-season NBA game.

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5. Make hilarious “TiVo noise” while setting clock back.

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4. Spend an hour making love, set the clock back, then apologize for being so quick.

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3. Get baked with the guys from the one-hour photo booth.

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2. Listen to Whodini’s “Five Minutes of Funk” twelve times.

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1. Inform Agent Bauer that payroll guidelines for federal employees prohibit him from claiming the 25th hour as overtime. Preferably by phone.

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