UPDATE: This trade seems to be a done deal, with Salty going to Texas and Teixeira going to Atlanta. What the hell is this, a spelling bee?
Not since Chris Fuamatu-Ma’Afala tromped the turf in Pittsburgh have we had a professional athlete whose name so challenged the skills of the team seamstress. A full fourteen letters, on home, road, and alternate jerseys? They oughta dock his pay. Fifty cents a letter, Jarrod.
But seriously. As a large man whose knees frequently hurt, I have a lot of respect for Saltalchlamydia. J-Salt is a Floridian, standing 6′ 4″ and 195 lbs. He’s a switch-hitting catcher with a little power, so pardon the drool in the luxury boxes of the Dirty South. His Wikipedia page sports this line, which I find hilarious read and reported:
Saltalamacchia’s path to playing full time catcher for the Braves is blocked by Brian McCann. If Saltalamacchia does not settle for being a back up, he will either have to learn a new position or be traded if he is going to have a substantial major league career.
I mean, couldn’t they also trade McCann? Is that not even remotely a possibility? Obviously, McCann is good, but everyone has their price. In all fairness, however, Mr. Salty is seeing some time at 1B, which is probably helping his waiver-wire-pickup numbers in fantasy baseball.
Nonetheless, wherever he plays, Salty is one of our Smells Like Pujols leaders (see sidebar). He’s making the most of his short time in the majors, putting up solid but not spectacular numbers: .284, 4 HR, 12 RBIs and .411 slugging in 141 at-bats.
Salty’s first career home run came off of Philadelphia’s Cole Hamels. Why you gotta be so mean to the ladies, Jarrod? Get your first dinger off of someone like Bob Wickman next time – stop being such a cockblock. There’s enough groupies to go around, I promise.
One thing you might not know about Salty. He’s a modern-day luddite. A downright technophobe. In his Prospect Diary for Baseball America, J-Rod had this to say:
My teammates wear me out about not having anything with me other than my cell phone when I’m on the road. The only time I play video games is when maybe some of the other guys need an extra guy–that’s when I’ll play. But other than that, I don’t even know how to turn those things on. Xbox, PS2–it’s all foreign to me.
Same thing with iPods. I’d love to have one, but I’d have no idea how to even use it.
So, you can see why I’m being so free with the off-color jokes and nicknames. Salty probably isn’t allowed to read any blogs since he broke the “cup holder” on his roommate’s computer.
But seriously. Jarrod Saltalamacchia has made an impact in the SLP standings this year, even though I suspect he won’t have the long-term staying power he’ll need. For now, he counts, and if he gets benched, traded, or sent down to the minors again, I strongly suspect that it will not be for lack of ability.
It will be Bobby Cox and his “letter envy”.
Viva Salty!
You may be able to find Salty on the Rangers roster very soon. The Braves can’t trade McCann because they just signed him to a huge contract I believe this past off-season. On top of that, it’s very difficult for a team to trade a catcher that they know will produce.
Salty has some power but his value is in his plate discipline and ability to get on base. If the Rangers trade Teixeira for Salty, look for Salty to become the next Giambi in that ballpark in Arlington.
At 195, I’m going to go “The next Giambi, minus the steroids”.
Salty was the buzz in the Atlanta minor-league system before anybody’d even heard of McCann…then McCann had that bust-out 2005 and 2006, and that was that. Word is that a Texeira-for-Saltalamamamamachia deal is done; it’s just a matter of the particulars (specifically throw-ins; the Braves need another bullpen arm badly, but don’t want to part with their young pitchers).
Good post!
Indeed, the rumor has Salty going for Texiera, which fills the Braves’ big need, and makes them the favorite in the NL in my opinion. How they do it every year I don’t know, but here come the Braves again…
Oddly enough, I have an easier time spelling Saltalmacchia than Texiera.
and yet I left out an “a”.
I don’t think the Braves have enough pitching depth to win the NL even with Teixeira. Plus, they are taking on a player they might lose next season in Teixeira. For an organization that won’t pay Andruw Jones $$ it’s interesting that they are letting go of a cheap, good young player in exchange for someone they could invariably lose very soon. Fiscally I’m not sure that makes a lot of sense. I know they believe they can re-sign Teixeira because he went to G-Tech, but that’s a big leap of faith to take.
Of course, John Schuerholz is making this deal, so I have to believe it will end up in Atlanta’s favor somehow.
He’s only 22, so that 195 should soon turn into 215 i’m thinking. He has ‘the frame’ to do so.
I laugh when people have a hard time spelling Salty’s last name; I think because I have an Italian last name too S-A-L-T-A-L-A-M-A-C-C-H-I-A poses me no trouble.
As for that photo, mmm, he’s so big and delicious he barely fits in the frame!
If ever there were a time when it would be appropriate to select the donner of one’s own nickname, I would request XP to give me mine.
Especially now that he’s already dished out Saltachlamydia
Jon Heyman and I apparently think alike:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/writers/jon_heyman/07/26/scoop.thursday/1.html
In any case, a lot of folks think they’d be nuts to trade the talented and cost-effective Saltalamacchia for a year-and-a-half of Teixeira (who is a Georgia Tech product) since there’s little hope the penny-pinching Braves could keep Teixeira long-term.
Clare- my initial problem with Salty was that second “a”, which I still keep leaving out. With Teixeira (looked it up) – it’s the reversal of that stupid “I before E” rule.
TGC – I have suffered at the hands of nicknames myself, I shouldn’t be so cavalier. Kids used to call me “Aunt Jemima” and “Ant Vagina”, which was nice.
Oh, and Extra P., Salty couldn’t hit his first ML homer off Wickman, since Bob is, y’know, also a Brave. Just saying.
[…] you can say this guys name three times fast without screwing up I applaud you. [The […]
Yeah, I thought I could get away with lazy writing by saying “someone like” Bob. I really should have looked up another schlub.
Jenks is fat. Use him. I do liberally.
Saltalamacchia has to be very high in the running for “Prettiest Swing in the Majors” currently. I mean, he plays for my arch-nemesis, but I could watch him take batting practice for hours. (Insert gay joke)
[…] what you’re saying right now, really, I do. “Damn, Extra P. You still high from your Saltalamacchia post or something? Why the hell I got to meet this guy? I’ve never heard of […]