Porn Name All-Stars is a concept born of college football season. In perusing an entire conference full of 85-player rosters, I am able to find representatives at every position with names that are as appropriate for a stag film as they are for the gridiron. Look through the archives if you don’t believe me.
Yesterday’s College World Series matchup brought the concept into summer, as two entire teams clashed in an epic godown showdown that will no doubt become a serialized feature for Vivid Video any day now:
Beavers vs. Eaters
I know, you will say “How infantile, UC-Irvine are the ANTeaters, dope”. Well, yesterday, they waltzed into Omaha’s Johnny Rosenblatt stadium with dark blue unis emblazoned only with the word “Eaters”. In similar fashion, the Oregon State representatives, who could have gone with “OSU” or “Oregon State”, chose “Beavers” instead. C’mon. We’re talking about college athletes here. They knew what they were doing.
Images of the “Eaters” jerseys were hard to come by, but I found some at Erratic Magic. Big ups to the writers there, who also noticed this sterling matchup.
And, in case you wondered, in a matchup of Beavers vs. Eaters, both teams played hard, but the Beavers were happiest in the end. Mighty selfless of the Eaters, if you ask me.
UPDATE: As S2N helpfully pointed out in the comments, some bright entrepreneur was all over this one, according to this article in The Oregonian.
A guy with a box full of T-shirts reading “Beaver Eaters” stood at the fence of the UC Irvine house and sold his stock of 30.
How would you like to have been the guy at the Nebraska Shirt Hut who had to fast-track that order?
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As always, in any college-related story, if you went to either of these schools, and want to set the record straight about your traditions, fight songs, alumni, whatever, drop by my college sports blog College Rule Notebook and tell your story.
LMAO!
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You have to ask yourself though, is it better to be the a Beaver or an Eater?
It is taking all of my restraint just to write a piece with this few puns in it. I’m going to zip my lip.
However, there is no questioning that the Beavers won. The upcoming matchup with Tarheels or Owls sounds like erotic suicide.
This is why I love blogs. ESPN wouldn’t touch that with a 10-foot pole.
Yeah, they were reduced to making “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom” jokes while I was watching. You could tell they wanted to get into it.
Gets better. An L.A. Times piece (I think) noted they were also selling merch making fun of the whole deal.
Hmm… I’m going looking for that. If you find the link, I’ll add it to the piece.
That’s too freakin’ funny. Good work, Ex.
Funny. Great post, X.
Not ony did the CWS feature a Beaver/Eater matchup, but Erin Andrews is anchoring ESPN’s coverage. Oh yeah, she’s alongside Orel Hersheiser. “And now let’s head to Omaha…Orel? Erin?” (Oh you College World Series! You’re SUCH a nasty, nasty girl, aren’t you???)
Holy shit… I totally didn’t even think of that angle. How could I have missed it!
This is why I love blogs. ESPN wouldn’t touch that with a 10-foot pole.
…But Salisbury or Berman would be happy to with a 6-inch penis…
[…] Porn Name All-Stars: The College World Series Porn Name All-Stars is a concept born of college football season. In perusing an entire conference full of 85-player […] […]
This is kind of a sad day. This must be the finale for the “Porn Name” series. Seriously, how can it EVER get better than a “Beavers vs Eaters” matchup?
Wait….how about an Oregon State/University of South Carolina bowl matchup?
Hope springs eternal.
Have you seen what people are naming their kids these days? I am confident that it can only get better.
Though I have to say, I might have to retire it if your Oregon State vs. South Carolina thing ever came true. I don’t see how even Brent Musberger could not just fall over laughing live and on-air.
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You guys should thank your lucky stars that South Carolina didn’t advance.
A Cock-Beaver final would have been priceless.
Well, thanks to the double-elimination format, if SC had advanced, we very well could have had the Eaters go both ways.
I don’t discrminate. I would have written a Cocks vs. Eaters article just as quickly.
“ESPN wouldn’t touch that with a 10-foot pole.”
Perhaps that’s because they have a collective sense of humor that has advanced beyond the junior-high level of people on this blog…
Absolutely hilarious!
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Nice work. I didn’t take the “Eaters” angle, but rather saw it as a “Beavers vs. Anteaters” clash, and epic battle between uncut males versus unshaven females. Unfortunately the unshaven prevailed.
We’re just south of Corvallis, and visitors can’t get over Oregon’s beaver fixation. Beaverton Town Center. The Beavers. Beaver Frenzy. . .
I wonder if residents of Cooter, Missouri experience something similar.
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Tarheels or Owls sounds like porno video